In honor of our 22nd Wedding Anniversary, I thought I would do a series on relationships. Don’t let me lose my precious single friends!!!!! Almost 100% of this info can be applied to friendships or even work relationships and, eventually, as you date, court and begin looking for a lifelong mate in marriage.
When I was dating, I did not have a clue what I was doing. In the moment, I thought I knew what being a good friend meant and I even had the audacity to believe I knew what love was. Yes, as a ignorant teen; now I am embarking on watching my three sweet kiddos hit this stage and begin to walk through these times of figuring out what a healthy relationship looks like.
The opposite of listening is TALKING! Do you know how many verses and references there are in the Bible in regards to our tongue? Well, let’s just settle on LOTS! One website I searched listed 85. Not all on this topic, but still!
God tells us in His Word the incredible power of the tongue. We can use it for blessings, encouragement and life or we can use it for breaking down, curses and death. In EVERY relationship, we must choose our words wisely. We must choose when to speak and when to be silent. We must choose the right time to speak and the right and necessary words to use.
Proverbs 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
Has anyone ever hurt your feelings with their words? If not, you are still a toddler or a good liar. My mother used the popular phrase, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” If only that were true! But I am afraid this is far from reality. Words do hurt! Our words we use hurt! Sometimes our most hurtful words are let lose on those we love the most.
Before I list my ways to LISTEN well, instead of talking and using hurtful words, I will leave you with a lasting word picture. In youth group one night, the talk was on this very subject. The weight of unnecessary ugly words, middle and high school is the height of this choice sin, right?! I can not for the life of me tell you WHO was speaking to give them credit but I definitely remember the talk.
If you are feeling adventurous, you can pause your reading and go get a tube of toothpaste. Ok, are you back with me? Now open the lid. Set the lid aside and push firmly on the tube of toothpaste. Yep, you now have toothpaste all over your dining room table! UMMMMM, not good right! Well, no big deal just scoop it back up and put it back into the toothpaste tube. I will give you a bit.
TICK. TOCK. TICK. TOCK. TICK. TOCK.
Are you done yet?
Yes, I know! It will NOT go back into the tube. It is nearly impossible to get ANY back into the tube. It is the same with our words. We open our mouth and sometimes don’t even think before we let it all start spewing out. The good, bad and the ugly. Once we say something, especially hurtful words, there is no taking it back! It is out there in the hearts of those that heard it to stay forever.
Can we think on this and remember this picture BEFORE we speak in the future? Our words have an eternal impact!
Ephesians 4:29 “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
Your words can show grace and the love of Christ, highlighting the message of the Gospel – or not! Can we choose to be more careful and intentional with our words, our responses, our questions and judgments?
Ecclesiastes 3:7 “a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;”
So now to those 9 ways to be a better listener…
- Make Eye Contact. Listen with your whole face – your whole self.
- Be aware of your body language.
- Don’t listen with intent of getting the last word.
- Never interrupt them while they are speaking.
- Don’t immediately try to “fix it”.
- Repeat back what you heard them say.
- Don’t dismiss their feelings. Perception is reality.
- Offer sympathy and understanding not a solution.
- Never use what they are sharing against them.
Oh, and here is a bonus freebie … ALWAYS put away your cell phone or turn off TV in order to give your total attention and not be distracted!
Some more verses for you to look up if you want to dig deeper:
Matthew 12:33-37
James 1:26 and all of Chapter 3 as well.
Psalm 19:14
Psalm 141:3
Proverbs 10:19
Proverbs 12:18
Proverbs 15:1, 4, 23
Proverbs 17:27-28
Proverbs 21:23
Proverbs 31:26
Maybe this weekend you could jot these down in a journal, day planner or spare pieces of paper. Take a moment to look these verses up and you will see it over and over again. Repetition is key to any learning and to anything you want noticed. Apparently, God knew the tongue would be one of all humanity’s greatest struggles! Let’s ask God to help us bridle our tongues.
I pray you can chose one thing and implement it with a loved one this week! Let me know how it is going in your attempt to be a better listener. I would love to hear from you.
You can also reach out through Facebook, Messenger or Instagram if that is easier. @solomontara @rootedandrestless
Useless info: I grew up with Crest in our home. I am now a Colgate girl and for really one reason only. The flip top cap where this girl and her “funny hands” doesn’t have to twist a cap off and back on several times a day. What is your favorite toothpaste? LOL!
I will leave you with one of my favorites:
Proverbs 10:19
“When there are many words transgression is unavoidable,
but he who restrains his lips is wise.”
Let’s listen and love others more than we talk!!!!
I love you 1,000 elephants!!!
Your Rooted and Restless Friend,
Tara